Phantom Silence

Yesterday's Word

2012-02-10T06:38:00.000-08:00

yesterday's word
so close in my mind
last night's dream
has fallen behind
the words spoken
are sentenced in the sound
of love's wings beating.

my heart is pounding
my blood is rushing
my eyes are searching
searching for the one
the one that caught them off guard
I feel like a blind man
I've been left in the dark.

Your face
etched into my brain
your voice
not quite remembered by my ears
the light of your smile
the weight of your laugh
so fresh in my mind I want to sing

sing for all the world to hear
sing in hopes your ears will hear
wait for your heart to find mine
wait in the depths of shadows far behind
so close in my mind, so far away
last night's dream has behind
replaced by the light of your smile in the dark.

The Face Behind the Smile

2011-12-24T07:40:00.000-08:00

looking through a dirty window
to see the clear blue sky outside
a mirror of my hidden life
resides inside this house
an overrun garden
the moss clinging to the walls
a broken vase upon the floor
left over petals flowing out
dust upon the shelves
bare except the books
of haunting stories from a shattered heart.
A face pressed against the window
wishing to be seen
a face that cried with silent tears
and wasted all those years.
A story of a tender heart
that became a stony mess
cold as ice, sweet as spice
and emotionally unkept.
No eyes can see the weeping
no ears can hear the screams
a silent world behind a face
that holds a smile bright as day.

Sea of Drifted Dreams

2011-12-10T05:05:00.000-08:00

drifting off
into a silent daydream
far away from
this crowded place
stars are filling
a lonely, peaceful sky
with a light and a love
that is mine
stay here with me
beneath the trees
where our dreams
can now begin
hold me near
in this place I've found
beyond the sea of stars
stay with me
just to breathe
and be forever by my side
just be my friend,
be my love, be my all
And as I stare into your eyes
they start to blend into the skies
beyond the hope
of being there
beyond this dream
of being near
beyond the sea
of drifted dreams

A Meaning

2011-11-18T03:15:00.000-08:00

silence
a thought
quietly comprehend
a feeling
unsure, confused
a hope
how is it explained?
a word
easier to think than say
a thought
can't say it
a process
slowly inching forward
hoping
do you understand
a word
can I say it?
a battle cry
I said it
a feeling
hard to explain
a heart
love
I found it
a meaning
not to be forgotten.

Secrets

2011-10-25T16:02:00.000-07:00

spilling swiftly out of an untamed mouth
the whispering voice of silence
screaming the world's pain
through the ears of all who hear
the eyes of the speaker
quiet, unknowing the pain
that they call gossip
the pain that sometimes
causes broken hearts
yet somehow calms the speaker
even if it makes them
more angry in the moment
the secrets
the dark portion of life
the hidden parts of those who smile biggest
the loss of innocence
from those who
hold the deepest frown
the secrets burn like ice
not flames, ice
ice as cold as flames are hot
the burns twice as bad
the pain infinite
and yet they come
spilling swiftly out of an untamed mouth.

Fear

2011-10-24T03:22:00.001-07:00

trembling
scared, that's undeniable
strange
a feeling I can't help
knowing
something I can't tell
fear
short and sweet
not to the point
I'm okay.

My American Dream

2011-10-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

everybody has a dream;
be it written in the stars,
or whispered in their hearts.
one unique dream for life,
for love, for liberty, and such.

an american dream,
one unique, just for me.
a dream of pure love,
the truest of all loves.
love from my family
to me and back again.

my american dream,
dreamt only by me.
a simple life, a happy life
full of joy, and full of
peace within myself,
and peace within my home.

an american dream,
written simply by me.
a wish for creativity.
to let it flow through
my veins, and come out
on the paper letting people
follow their hearts.

I have a dream,
its written in the stars,
and whispered in my heart
my unique dream for life
for love, for liberty, and such.

I wrote this for english, and well, I also made a video with it, it has the poem with it, but its harder to concentrate on the poem when there's words to the song that I used in the background. the poem is "My American Dream" by myself, and the song is "No Matter What" by Papa Roach. I hope you enjoy this. I enjoyed creating it.

The Story

2011-10-20T03:07:00.001-07:00

I could fill a thousand notebooks
of words I've said
I could turn them into songs
when I click open my pen
but how could I survive
if people found the story
within the many songs

My Only Regret

2011-10-19T03:18:00.001-07:00

the bittersweet sound
of the morning
awakens a new me
each day a new care
each pencil a new art

my worries drift away
sitting alone with
my pen scratching flowers
petals, leaves, and the like
onto the once blank paper

my imagination never ceases
to bring about a new
a new idea
to make me how I once was
care free

a roaming child
with too many friends
too many hearts and faces
that I never saw again

too many years that
I let my tears flow
but not one regret
in my mind other than
I let it all go.

What I Am

2011-10-17T03:09:00.000-07:00

I am the last
the broken
the weak
and yet I'm the strong
I am the hero
the villain
one without song
I am the ugly
the beautiful
the unique
the same
I am the foolish
the clever
and I'm the brave
but mostly I'm me
Just like everyone else
the quiet
the loud
the light
and the dark
I'm not all that special
I'm not seeking fame
Just looking for love
friendship, not pain.

Out of Focus

2011-10-14T03:23:00.000-07:00

blurred like my life
hidden in secrecy like the past
the truth, centered and clear,
and yet I can't find it
blurred, speckles of light
surrounding the truth,
and yet it still isn't there
invisible, and yet to the sharp eye
its there, why not mine
the beauty of nature
fully focused, and yet no camera;
not even the best camera
could capture the truth of it
blurred like the life we live
out of focus, in focus
has the lens of life gone bad?
Is it cracked?
will we ever see the beauty of
the over crowded truth?
Or will we forever see the blurred edges
of a gorgeous, yet haunting photograph.
The unclear sky
shedding only spots of light
through the unfocused tops
of the out of focused truth
and yet with dozens of moving and unmoving
photographs scattered silently around me
its this one that calls my name. This one. This one.

Butterflies

2011-10-12T03:14:00.000-07:00

The fluttering of their hand painted wings
making my stomach twinge
its a sort of nervous feel
but I love every second of it
it gives me the words that I sing
it gives me a reason to blush like I mean it
to love you like I do
these tiny fluttering creatures
drilling fear into my heart
yet my heart and soul still fill with love
the fluttering of their hand painted wings
a gift of God, a symbol of my love
my immortal butterflies

Sabotaging Happiness

2011-10-11T14:28:00.000-07:00

hidden hallways
cracked open doors
the fog of self-doubt
the flame of self-absoption
a cup of tears
a pinch of pain
a look of love, full of distaste
a minor problem, a major ill
a mind full of selfish rebellion
not knowing which way to turn
eyes looking away, up into the clouds
a heart waiting for the day
when it can be happy
and there will be nothing
of disappointment that anyone can say...

Not published yet...

2011-10-10T14:03:00.000-07:00

I'm slacking. I'll admit it. I need to get all my poems together and then I'll get published. No worries, it will happen. I've just got so many poems that keep showing up and hanging out on my math notes. I can't help that I keep writing them. I'll figure it out though. Maybe more than one anthology is necessary....I like that idea.

~Wants to be published.~

Semi-Exciting News (for me at least)

2011-08-24T05:40:00.001-07:00

I'm going to get published!!!!! Well, I'm publishing myself. Only a couple copies though. I am publishing a book of poems and the title shall be:....wait for it.....wait for it.....PHANTOM SILENCE! I'm designing the cover, and only putting my poems in it :) I'm really excited!!!!!

Bulletin

2011-07-12T11:37:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm starting a new series of drawings titled "Bulletin." It's gonna be pretty hip. I'm actually really excited about this. I can personalize the phrases and pictures as needed, and change topics, but still have the same feel. A bulletin board feel. I did one today that I am going to call "Thoughts of a broken heart" or something similar. I wanna do one about friendship, and another about God. I'm really excited about this. Just saying. I'm going to try to finally get some of my art out into the world :)

Just Breathe

2011-07-06T06:30:00.000-07:00

written like soft spoken words
said like harshly thought poetry
meeting somewhere in between
still loving my lies
like I did before
my mind screaming at
my slightly broken heart
just breathe
its the only thing
that can get me through
just breathe
even as the world crumbles
all around my wasted life
how am I still breathing?

Labyrinth

2011-07-04T07:45:00.000-07:00

please don't use this door
its not the way to go
its not the way to leave
this wasn't where I wanted to be
this labyrinth wasn't meant for me
was it stage right
or was it stage left
the twists of sets
the angry, hateful words
read the signs
be nice or leave
where am I
this place keeps changing
beware the loopy people
like mischievous beasts
creating an alternate reality
a harsh reality
this cruel irony
the walls are closing in
I want to scream
but my lips won't move
the silence draws near
like a black wave
about to break on the shore
I want to run
but my feet won't move
I feel the tears flowing down
my once warm, now cold cheeks
please don't use this door
its not the way to go
its not the way to leave
this wasn't where I wanted to be
this labyrinth wasn't meant for me

A Poem I Wrote

2011-04-05T09:41:00.000-07:00

In English a while back we were to write a poem in the format of another poem "You Move Me Like". This is my version.

You move me like…

32 degree weather on a motorcycle with my dad.

Like singing songs that aren’t written down.

You move me like water

Water flowing over my very soul.

Like 2 cups of coffee on a summer morning.

Like rain pouring from the grey, cloud-filled sky;

The can-can with my best friend in the rain.

You move me like the moon

Following my car, never looking away, always present.

You move me like funny videos

Words, said, written, sang.

Like Harry Connick Jr. on a Christmas morning.

Raindrops racing across the window of the moving car.

Like ever present family.

You move me like warmth.

Fire, dancing joyfully in beautiful orange flames.

Like friends, never leaving. Always there.

You move me like doodles all over my history notes.

Like long lectures on European history

Like coca-cola from a glass bottle.

Like exploding pens, soaked with gaterade.

Splash Zone!

You move me like upside down waterfalls

Like trees that “just get old and fall over”

Like secret waterfalls and corn field forts

Like creek wading and crayfish fishing

On the big thinking rock.

Like Christmas mornings and opening gifts.

Like skipping math for better days.

Like hiding from parents when its time to go

You move me like wind

Blowing colder than ice

Embracing your warmth yet still shivering

Imaginary numbers that make it easier than normal ones.

You move me like music, flowing through my heart and through my soul.

Like Pride and Prejudice and Mr. Darcy’s pride

Like vexing Mrs. Bennet with no compassion on her nerves.

You move me like clock hands;

Watching for 9:32 and the end of math

You move me like no homework

Like snow days with no snow

Like writing songs after years of not

Like eating ice cream from a waffle bowl

Like rainbow sprinkles and reese’s pieces

Like mythology that makes me laugh at the stupidity of the greeks

You move me like Ireland, beautiful countryside and grazing sheep

Eating bacon on a Saturday morning

While watching snow fall on a lazy afternoon.

You move me like owl necklaces

And tea at 4 in the afternoon

Like talking girl talk with matt in the library

Like sparkles conceiving children

And Frisbees killing a man by striking his foot.

Like colorful eyes sparking fire into my soul

Like gorgeous gowns and class rings

Like root beer floats and flying squirrels

You move me like sons of right hands

And magic eight balls that never really know

Like gold fish with funky colors

And splatter painted converse.

Like Matt’s infatuation with glitter glue

3 very unacceptable glues

You move me like unmoving glue

Like peeling freshly dried glue off my fingers

Like Louis Armstrong and his brilliant trumpet

Like british humor and rabbits with big teeth

You move me like decorating Easter eggs

And writing 6 page notes

Like opening coke to open happiness

Like sunshine on a cloudy day

Like writing poetry in every class

You move me like sitting around

Like watching the stars

And finding airplanes lighting up the sky

Like running around my yard with my arms open

Feeling the wind and feeling the sunshine

Like singing opera in the shower

And dancing until I fall over

Like jumping into a pool even though you can’t swim

Like holding hands and starting to sweat

Like planning picnics and hikes that end in laughter

You move me like slipping through people trying to get to class

Like the happiest days of my life.

You move me.

The End.

Snow. Snow. Snow.

2011-01-27T12:41:00.000-08:00

The glistening white
of the tiny flakes.
The sparkling magic
from the falling snow.
The love I feel
sitting watching
it fall from Heaven
to the Earth.
The feeling
of relief
no work to do
no lessons to learn
just relax.
sit and relax.
the day will take
good care of itself.

No need to worry
I'll keep you warm.
no need to worry
about the cold,
and wet snow
keeping us here.
We're together,
what's it matter.
Theres nothing
nothing that could
make things better
than this time
that we can share.
This time I
have with you.

Not Necessarily Poetry

2011-01-23T18:11:00.000-08:00

When I write
I write what I feel.
I write what I want.
I write what I need.
I write what's good
in my life, and not.
I write what's not good
in my life, and not.
I write my life.
I write the truth
of the life I live.
Of the life we live.
I write the lies.
I write what culture tells us.
I write it as lies.
I write for the broken.
I write for the whole.
I write for me.
I write for you.
I write the light.
I write the dark.
I write for the One.
I write as one.
I write with God.
I write for God.
I write.
I write what
I write.

There's more to everyone than we all think. You may see someone who seems filled with joy, but if you truly looked at them they were filled with sorrow, with fear, brokenness. Empty. Completely empty. It may seem like that at times the world doesn't really understand, but most times the world might, though at others it truly won't. The world has these crazy mixed up ideas about love. The world acts like it needs something that was given to them years ago. Centuries ago when Christ gave his life so that we might have life. When Christ gave us the ultimate love. When God gave us HIS SON. His ONLY SON. He gave us his only son because HE LOVES US. Because he LOVES US SO MUCH. So much that he gave his son, who gave his life. God's life. The FATHER, the SON, the HOLY SPIRIT. All ONE. All GOD.

"For God so LOVED the world so much that he gave his one and only son so that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16

God LOVED us ETERNALLY. Eternal Love. Isn't that what the world wants? Isn't that what the world craves? Isn't that what God gives us, every one of us. Isn't that why he gave us his word? His LOVE letter. His Love Letter to US. GOD LOVES US. Its how it works. God wants what's best for his children. ALL his children. The broken, the whole, the empty, the full, the rich, the poor, the lonely, the surrounded, the brave, the cowardly, the loved, and the unloved. ALL OF US. All of us were meant to live with God. WITH God. Never without. He's always present. He is the LOVE letter. He is Love. He is the only way. The only way to ever be truly satisfied is with him, by him, through him. His LOVE is LIFE.

HIS LOVE IS LIFE.

His love is why we are forgiven. His love is why he says no. His wrath is yes. His wrath is letting us do things OUR WAY. Our way is never as good as HIS WAY. His way is the best way. The ONLY way. We could never exist without his presence. Without his fufilling ways. Without his love.

The world doesn't live on poetry, it doesn't live on food, it doesn't live on oxygen. It lives on GOD. It lives on LOVE.

Breaking Hearts

2011-01-23T13:17:00.000-08:00

It doesn't have
to be two lovers
to end up with
broken hearts.
It doesn't have
to be an
argument
to break a heart.
It can be as
simple as
something that
may not seem hurtful
when its started
but it happens.
The best of friends
can end up
broken hearted.
Its life.

The First Silence.

2011-01-22T15:02:00.000-08:00

The first silence.
The only silence.
The silence of words.
Like Apparitions.
Feelings can
only slightly
comprehend
the outward
understanding
of
silence.
Pure.
Poetic.
Silence.
Its
almost like
a phantom.
An apparition.
Silence.